depths of an enigma untouched

and when i whisper,
i call out into the darkness, searching for a familiar ear.
then when it finds it self, and the journy is all but through.......maybe......this time........i'm not lying................................... maybe i meant it all along.....

i stood wen i should have sat. i ran wen i should hav walked.
i yelled wen i should hav whispered.
it does not matter now.
like a lemon drop so sweet but only for a second.
then it fades into the abyss. little by little by little.
then, just as u think how good it was, it is gone. half bitter aftertaste lingers, like a bill u should hav paid.

Current Mood: chipper

god damn dreams. fuck. i need to wake up. or just stay asleep.



"adrift in a confortable warmth.
floating slowly into submission.
eyelids become to heavy to support.
asleep i find myself.
asleep and missing a peice of me.
WAKE UP!!
i see a familiar face in my haze.
i see some one i have missed more than i should.
every one in my dreams push me towards u.
yet i try so hard to resist.
WAKE UP!!
that smile makes me fold.
and i stumble forward to take it all in.
WAKE UP!! WAKE UP!!
i wish i could but, it would seem there is still
something missing in me.
a peice of myself lost some were in u......
on i sleep. things so less complicated there.
things so easy to say down here.
things feel
a
little
more
right.................
so on i sleep, holding your memory tight......
so on i sleep, i hope i don't ever wake up."

mikey

Current Mood: awake
Current Music: rise against

incubus always sais it so good
13. Aqueous Transmission - (7:46)
I'm floating down a river
oars freed from their holes long ago
lying face up on the floor
of my vessel
I marvel at the stars
and feel my heart overflow

Further down the river
further down the river
further down the river
further down the river

Two weeks without my lover
I'm in this boat alone
floating down a river named emotion
will I make it back to shore?
or drift into the unknown

Further down the river
further down the river
further down the river
further down the river

I'm building an antenna
transmissions will be sent
when I am through
maybe we can meet again
further down the river
and share what we both discovered
then revel in the view

Further down the river
further down the river
further down the river
further down the river

I'm floating down a river (x8)

Current Mood: okay
Current Music: historychannel

last night i picked it up and stared at it,
the book i was not strong enough open, i opened but, was not strong enough to read.

last night i picked it up and stard at it.
the book i was not strong enough to read i readbut, was not strong enough to finish.

last night i picked it up and stared at it.
the book i was not strong enough to finish i finished,
and there on the last page i found u surounded by tears of joy and sorrow alike, smiling so gently.

then i noticed, this book is filled with blank pages, pages ment for us to fill...........................................pages ment for us to heal...........
wut will i read tonight??

by Rev. Mikey

Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: rise against

it shouldn't be this way.
but it is.
it shouldn't feel like this.
but it does.
i've tried almost every thing to forget.
i've tried almost everything to not care.
none of it has worked..............................
is there an answer to this question???
is there an end to this maze???
how do i stop these dreams???
do i really want to??..................................... it's the only time i get to remember a smile to cure all sadness.................... smile that could heal me then..................these dreams that ache my chest wen i wake.....

Current Mood: confused

so buisy, no time to enjoy all the cash, but thats all right. i don't mind making money. it would just be nice if i could take days off and still make this fat of cash. of course now that starr has sundays and mondays off too, it really seems like even wen i do take a day off i don't. if that makes any sense.

things should slow down a bit by november. then i can goof off a bit more. i miss goofing off.

i want to dream about something else for a change.................................. something that wont hurt wen i wake up.......................................................

Current Mood: calm

The Patient by tool on lateralus i think its the 3rd song. so very well written and performed. it's quite........... scrumptrulecent!!



A groan of tedium escapes me
Startling the fearful
IS THIS A TEST??
IT HAS TO BE
OTHERWISE I CAN'T GO ON

Draining patience
Drain vitality
This paranoid, paralyzed vampire act's a little old

But I'm still right here
Giving blood, keeping faith
And I'm still right here

But I'm still right here
Giving blood, keeping faith
And I'M STILL RIGHT HERE

If there were no rewards to reap
No loving embrace to see me through
This tedious path I've chosen here
I certainly would've walked away
By now

Gonna wait it out

If there were no desire to heal
The damaged and broken met along
This tedious path I've chosen here
I certainly would've walked away
By now

And I still may
I STILL MAY

Be patient
Be patient
Be patient

I must keep reminding myself of this
I must keep reminding myself of this
I must keep reminding myself of this
I must keep reminding myself of this

If there were no rewards to reap
No loving embrace to see me through
This tedious path I've chosen here
I certainly would've walked away
By now

And I still may
And I still may
And I still may
And I...

Gonna wait it out
Gonna wait it out
Wait it out
Gonna wait it out


still can't bring myself to toss the dice. afraid that if i extend my hand i'll get bit.............

Current Mood: confused

some times i sit and watch as the world strolls by,
pretending to be waiting for nothing at all.
as they all pass a few even pretend to be me, maybe just to cause trouble,
but i sit still, not a word not a breath. for their actions reveal the cold
reactions of others............
waiting and watching as the world closes in around this.
i wait to no end, wanting some sign of sincerety, some sign that maybe there
is a reason............. for wut i may never know...........................................
as i stare into nothing, i want to remember something......anything......

Current Mood: calm

strange these feelings are chasing me into a day dream of memories.
odd that i see your face in the crowd, and want so bad to touch u gently on the shoulder and whisper " hello old friend" but my feet won't let me move.
i pound down the liquer to numb my ears from the sound of my heart, i try to forget were i am, but there in the crowd is your smile, gentle and soothing that smile.
could u really be, can it possibly be true. do i remember u for a good reason, or is it an early warning alarm in my head??




" and if i close my mind in fear... PLEASE PRY IT OPEN.
and if my face becomes sincere... beware.
and if i start to come undone.... STITCH ME TOGETHER!" JAMES HETFEILD.

Current Mood: confused
Current Music: my broken memory

no idea how to answer...
heart racing temples heat.....
something i want to be true..so much...
not sure if i can...... not sure if i should....
your words echo from a dimmly lit scream so long ago.....
"that day will never come"
it cut deep in me......
maybe i should toss the dice......
purhaps......... but i still tread as lightly as i can.....
for trust is so hard for me now..........
i will find the time.......... coffee is a must..
.....................
........................
...... i miss u.............................

Current Mood: confused
Current Music: mutha fuckin sage u cunties

dreams..... are they a glimpse of things to come??? or a warning?? your brain deep inside telling u to stay the course... not to fold........... fucking dreams. or is it the other way around. is my mind telling me i am making a mistake.....i don't beleive that is it. at least they r some wut nice dreams, but wen i awake i remind myself of wut i hav learned. trust so hard to relearn....




"in my dreams u come to me.
whispering kindness with no voice......
no voice at all..
in my sleep, your smile comforts me.....
comforts me to no end..
all through the night we talk and laugh.....
and it all seems right..
but i know it can not be.........
your touch soothing so smooth, no matter how much i hate it..
then the morning and the sun..
the alarm clock chases u away.......
a friend i'm not sure i ever had............."

Current Mood: calm
Current Music: sage francis

all is well in my little world. well mostly well any ways. i am learning to rebuild and just good old fashioned build guitars. i did one already and was able to really improve the sound. i learned so much i have torn it apart to do more. also i am ording all kinds of blank parts to make my own custom guitars. fun fun fun.



" i thought i threw out every picture,
i thought i deleted this memory.
deep inside my hidden place,
there is a part of u that still lives.
in the night wen i close my eye's,
and i am wisked off to blissfull sleep,
i found a place were your precious smile i can still keep......................... i hav to wake up.....
....................someday.......i will"

Current Mood: peaceful
Current Music: none

concepts of time
lost in the spaces left between two people.
books of studies
from centuries past, on the people that never change.
a broken chain
that no one was willing to attempt to repair.
a promising future
of what no one has any idea......all we can do is wait and see.............

Current Mood: chipper
Current Music: it dies today

a small smile gently touches my face,
a sense of warmth comes in and comforts me.
the light that hurt my eyes begins to clear,
saved by soft clouds that promise a healing rain.
for a split second i remember u in better times.
for a mear moment i am comforted, i remember u and am calm.
but i hav to awaken to were i am, and wut has happened.
the scars will heal....... maybe someday......................



i am glad to hear u had fun. and that u survived it with a smile.
i am sorry things HAVE to be this way now, but they do. as i hav said b4, the future is not carved
in stone.

Current Mood: calm
Current Music: atmospere

happy birth day to some one i once knew. hav a great one and be safe.

Current Mood: calm
Current Music: incubus

sorry i havn't posted in a while there trista, been buisy and all. and now for the update:


there is a part of me that is in a toss
up of how to except certain things, but there is also a part of me
that is very firm standing. that is protecting me.

touch an electric fence enough times and eventually u learn not to do it again. even though
there is a chance it wont shock me this time, instinct and past experience dictates that it will only hurt me again.

the futur is not carved in stone, but for now i don't hav the patience or the strenth to toss the dice
wen the odds r against me.


" to learn from one's mistakes, is to step closer to mastering one's self" mikey

Current Mood: confused
Current Music: mastodon

i keep having these dreams, and i can't tell any one about them. i can even post them here, for the wrong people will end up with the information in my noodle. i was hoping the dreams would eventually subside , but they hav not yet. maybe tomarrow.

other than wut my brain does in my slumber, life is progressing really well. i am almost done replacing damaged peices of my truck!! yay for me. sometimes i just rock!!



life. get it while it's hot!!

Current Mood: amused

just as the paintball off season was starting to really get to me, one of the amature teams that let me play with them during their practices brought some flyers by. they have started an indoor field neer by. as soon as i gots the spare skrilla i am goin!!!!!

life continues to be sweet action. i am finding myself to be more relaxed than i think i hav ever been. wen i get pissed off, and i do, it doesn't last more than 15 or 20 minutes. horay for my brain. lol.

i swear i am gonna finish some of this poetry soon and post it. i hav just been to buisy lately.



more as i know it bithces

Current Mood: chipper
Current Music: it dies today

i hear that some one i once knew thinks me a talker of the shit. almost makes me sad. i have not talked shit, people ask me how i feel about it, and wut i remember of it. i don't fabricate any of it. it was a learning experience, and a painfull one at that. but i hav nothing but the best wishes for her. i just miss a friend that i will never hav again. promises were made that were just to put me at ease. and as much as i apreciate the consideration for my fragile little feelings at the time (now) i don't feel it was apropriate to pretend to care. like i said , the best of wishes to a friend i will never have again.

good memories never die.
sometimes, wen i think of u i smile, do u smile wen u think of me.

Current Mood: cheerful
Current Music: atmosphere